Truth and Lies

__Ok so, I think I'm going to tell my parents soon. I feel like I have to, I feel like they don't even know me anymore. They know nothing about my social life, my mild stoner side, or my sexual preference. I feel like a stranger in my own house, someone who comes over, visits for a while, eats, sleeps then disappears again.
I don't know what I'm going to tell them though. I think if me and Matt go out then I might tell them. But if not, I'll keep my trap shut. I think that's all I'll tell then for the time being though. I'm pretty sure they would kill me if they knew about the blazing, so I'll tell them when I'm older.
__I'm not really sure what to do with the whole Matt thing though, he's does want to go out, just he's leaving in a month and doesn't really want to get into a relationship and stuff. Plus he's afraid of what the other people in the house will do if he does start going out with a guy. And he's afraid of the repercussions if it leaks into his real life and if his parents and church find out. I want to go out with him, but I don't want to ruin his life. If his church were to find out, then they'll excommunicate him, and he really likes going to youth group and seeing the kids and stuff. It's like all he talks about. I really don't want to wreck that for him.
__I guess that's all I have to blog about this evening.

Touchdown Turnaround

Oh yeah, catching up on the first blog there, the stairs are still in need of a scrub. And the walls are still in need of a white wash. But I have friends over all the time, so s'all good.
I still think the walls look cool.

Day Dreams

Have you ever been day dreaming, and felt like you were in some completely different place?? I have, it happens quite frequently. I don't really know what to call it, but when it happens I lose track of all time and space and everything seems surreal. Sometimes at night when its really late it happens. If someone is walking around upstairs I imagine I'm up there too, sitting in my chair at the table watching what they're doing. The last time I did this, my mom was in the kitchen. When I was still in my room, I was watching her make a roast beef and cheese bun-wich for my brother's lunch the next day. And when I snapped out of it, I ran upstairs to see what she was doing, and she was wrapping a roast beef and cheese bun-wich for my brother. It was quite odd, really. This happens quite often actually. Lately when it happens in Social Studies, I dream I'm in a mall somewhere, I'm not really sure where, but it looks like the mall in Kamloops but bigger. I don't know anyone there, and all I do is sit on a bench and watch the people go by. It feels like I sit there and watch for an hour, but when I 'get back' to socials, I was only 'gone' for 10 minutes. I don't really know what's going on here, but I kinda like it. I wish I could control it more.
Maybe I'll look into it.

Haha

I need to post on here more often... Maybe I'll start... Didn't I say that shortly after making this account??

Being and Empath Sucks.

Ok. I'm going to take you back to the other day when I was talking to my mom.

She had just gotten off the phone and was really mad. I don't really know why, she just was. So she yelled at me to get out of the room, and in fear/boredom, I left to go find food. When I realized there was nothing to eat really, I got mad for no reason, not horribly mad, just mad enough to yell. Then my mom started yelling at me and stuff then I was too mad and I just wanted to go downstairs to cool off. On my way down, my mom was shrieking stuff at me and I kicked the cat's water dish down the stairs. It was glass. It was messy. It was loud. It was painful.

Once I got downstairs, I had this strong wanting to break more glass. So I broke a glass cup. Then my mom got even madder since I broke another thing for no real reason. So I broke another. It was fun. Then she said I was grounded for breaking her dishes. PS; two of the three dishes were mine to begin with.

Since I was out of dishes, I decided to throw a bottle of paint up the stairs. And another, And another.

So no the glass is cleaned up, it looks like some sort of cotton candy monster died down there. PS; the paint was blue and pink.

And we're back to today. I'm grounded with no friends over until I paint over the pink and blue and scrub the stairs. I think the walls should stay the way they are, it looks cool.


PS; Work sucks.